Ben & Jerry's Founder To Smuggle Watermelon Ice Cream Past Corporate Blockade For Palestinian Peace Deal

BURLINGTON, VT—In a bold escalation of dessert diplomacy, Ben & Jerry’s co-founder Ben Cohen announced plans to independently produce a “Permanent Peace in Palestine” watermelon ice cream, after Unilever allegedly blocked the flavor over its not-so-subtle symbolism.

The watermelon—green rind outside, red heart within, black seeds for added drama—has long served as a cheeky emblem for Palestinian resilience, and Cohen envisions his rogue pint as the frozen key to Middle East reconciliation. “Unilever didn’t want the flavor because it couldn’t guarantee ‘permanent’ shelf life,” Cohen told reporters from his makeshift dairy lab. “But I’m going underground—think speakeasy scoops. One lick, and we’ll have accords sweeter than Rocky Road.”

Sources close to the operation say Cohen has recruited ex-Ben & Jerry’s executives and a network of ethical farmers to churn out the contraband treat, complete with labels reading “Solidarity Swirl: Because Borders Should Melt.” Distribution will begin via secret pop-up trucks in pro-Palestine hotspots, with proceeds funneled toward “scoop-for-peace” initiatives.

Unilever dismissed the claims as “churned fiction,” insisting the block was purely due to flavor incompatibility with their global portfolio. “We support peace, but not if it risks our vanilla supremacy,” a spokesperson quipped.

Critics warn the move could ignite a flavor war, with rival brands preemptively launching “Two-State Truffle” and “Hudna Hazelnut.” As Cohen scoops his way to solidarity, the freezer aisle braces for a meltdown.