Man Who Said Things Can't Get Any Worse Now Legally Obligated To Run Country

WORLDWIDE—A local area man who was recently overheard at the pub saying “Well, I suppose it can’t get any worse from here, right?” has now been called up to lead the country to prove his theory.

Martin Smith, 42, was apprehended by police late last night, bundled into the back of a van, and appeared on television this morning standing outside the country’s parliament wearing a black suit and a nervous smile.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore,” said Suella Cress, the Director of the National Police Force. “It can’t get any worse? Seriously? I bet all my money it fucking can.”

Prime Minister Smith - who inside sources confirm has spent his first morning figuring out the coffee machine - delivered his inaugral address from what appeared to be scribbles on the back of a betting slip.

“First things first, the price of a pint is frankly taking the piss,” he announced to a bewildered press corps. “We’ll sort that. Also my wife, Brenda, says we need to do something about the potholes on the A34. So. We’ll… do that.”

“Is he going to be any good? Probably not,” commented one woman walking her dog near the parliamentary buildings. “But the last lot caused a diplomatic incident over a cheese tariff. This bloke’s main concern is the structural integrity of the pork scratchings at Toby Carvery. It feels like a lateral move.”

Meanwhile, Director Cress confirmed she had placed her wager on whether things can get worse with the outgoing Prime Minister, who is reportedly “very confident” he will be collecting his winnings within the fortnight. “Martin just asked his new aide where the nuclear launch codes are kept because he wanted to ‘see what the button felt like’,” she said, a wide grin spreading across her face. “Oh yeah. It can get worse.”

Martin Smith is currently the most popular leader in worldwide history, with a +72% approval rating.