UK Government Announces Plans To Arrest Tim Berners-Lee On Terrorism Charge

LONDON—In a decisive move to finally hold someone accountable for the internet, Home Secretary James Cleverly announced Wednesday morning that the government would seek the arrest of Sir Tim Berners-Lee, 70, for his role in creating the vital infrastructure to provide a website for a known terrorist organisation.

“For years, we have been playing whack-a-mole with online dissent, but a groundbreaking five-year investigation has finally traced the root of the problem back to a single source” said Cleverly at a press conference, standing in front of a complex flowchart that showed a picture of a Palestine Action webpage connected by a single red line to a smiling photo of Berners-Lee. “It is now clear that without Mr Berners-Lee’s reckless 1990 invention of the ‘World Wide Web’, these groups would be unable to post their meeting times online.”

The Home Office explained that all illegal online activity, from coordinating international drug smuggling to posting unflattering memes of JD Vance, shares one common source - they all require the internet.

As part of the broader crackdown on “historical facilitation” the unit is also reportedly building cases against the estate of Johannes Gutenberg for inventing the printing press crucially used to create protest flyers, and is looking into the families of early electrical pioneers for enabling the powered-on state of protestor’s laptops.

When asked for his opinion, local Twickenham man Gary Stubbs, 58, seemed to approve. “Well, I suppose it’s about time,” he said while waiting for a bus. “My nephew saw a swear word on there once. You can’t just let people get away with inventing things like that.”

Tim Berners-Lee did not respond to our requests for comment.